To the driving thing - yes, patriarchy. (Control belongs to the male.) This is the model we grew up with, he wants/likes to drive, so I let him. Each trained to their role. I wonder whether this varies by age/generation or if the modelled behaviour will continue to stick?
Point of marginal interest:
An article I read about truckers in the tar sands (huge, single family home sized trucks) quoted one company manager who said that the women on staff were better drivers than the men. Don't remember the definition of "better". (Possibly, less likely to take risks so more reliable?)
Many provoked thoughts! Thank you. My "community" is almost all old cis white men, but all of my work is about becoming queer. It’s hard to want to share in that space. My wife does almost all the driving, and I do almost all the cooking. Even so, when I'm in a poetry class and I talk (which I do too much), I notice that the women shut up and are resentful. If I take another poetry class, I believe I'll need to attend in drag. Would that help? 😞💃
I too live in a very “milky” cis-het community physically, even if many are artsy and university educated.
Poetry people seem more (totally impressionistically), among those I pay attention to, like 60% queer.
At large queer is probably only about 20% so will be outnumbered except where it is a queer-only space. I say 20% because bi-spectrum with opposite-looking genders at the moment don’t read as queer. (The invisible among the invisible.)
People are getting more informed about queerness and gender but it’s all pretty skewed and siloed.
To your talking….yes, loaded problem. I’ve noticed one male in an all-female room, even if he doesn’t speak, has a dampening effect on women talking and how animatedly. Just as one English speaker entering among first language French speakers causes all switch to English. Power or respect? But that person goes and it goes back to French.
Difference in gender spectrum cues gender performance, perhaps, women become the subset of women in presence of men, instead women being people in uniform-gendered places. And those men being men in men only conversations trying to small talk sports and the one guy who doesn’t do sports flailing then bailing.
Going in drag shakes things up. To the better or just off-centre depends on reactions, eh. Presence of Genderqueer makes me feel safer. B&W gender is so barbed with rules.
Getting to person-to-person parity is tricky to navigate. We’ve all seen the studies, if women talk 15% of the time they are perceived as dominating. Men speak something like 80% of the speech in movies. That sort of thing. Most tv and movies fail the Bechdel test and we don’t even notice.
To the driving thing - yes, patriarchy. (Control belongs to the male.) This is the model we grew up with, he wants/likes to drive, so I let him. Each trained to their role. I wonder whether this varies by age/generation or if the modelled behaviour will continue to stick?
Point of marginal interest:
An article I read about truckers in the tar sands (huge, single family home sized trucks) quoted one company manager who said that the women on staff were better drivers than the men. Don't remember the definition of "better". (Possibly, less likely to take risks so more reliable?)
Many provoked thoughts! Thank you. My "community" is almost all old cis white men, but all of my work is about becoming queer. It’s hard to want to share in that space. My wife does almost all the driving, and I do almost all the cooking. Even so, when I'm in a poetry class and I talk (which I do too much), I notice that the women shut up and are resentful. If I take another poetry class, I believe I'll need to attend in drag. Would that help? 😞💃
I too live in a very “milky” cis-het community physically, even if many are artsy and university educated.
Poetry people seem more (totally impressionistically), among those I pay attention to, like 60% queer.
At large queer is probably only about 20% so will be outnumbered except where it is a queer-only space. I say 20% because bi-spectrum with opposite-looking genders at the moment don’t read as queer. (The invisible among the invisible.)
People are getting more informed about queerness and gender but it’s all pretty skewed and siloed.
To your talking….yes, loaded problem. I’ve noticed one male in an all-female room, even if he doesn’t speak, has a dampening effect on women talking and how animatedly. Just as one English speaker entering among first language French speakers causes all switch to English. Power or respect? But that person goes and it goes back to French.
Difference in gender spectrum cues gender performance, perhaps, women become the subset of women in presence of men, instead women being people in uniform-gendered places. And those men being men in men only conversations trying to small talk sports and the one guy who doesn’t do sports flailing then bailing.
Going in drag shakes things up. To the better or just off-centre depends on reactions, eh. Presence of Genderqueer makes me feel safer. B&W gender is so barbed with rules.
Getting to person-to-person parity is tricky to navigate. We’ve all seen the studies, if women talk 15% of the time they are perceived as dominating. Men speak something like 80% of the speech in movies. That sort of thing. Most tv and movies fail the Bechdel test and we don’t even notice.
Thanks for the encouragement! I'll wear trans-signifying jewelry or something next time. Also bite my tongue more. 😊